she keeps me warm
by anameii
Summary: After returning from Volterra, Bella begins to doubt her relationship with Edward and the Cullens. A growing relationship with an as-of-yet-unchanged Leah only widens the divide between them.
1. I

**Disclaimer** : I do not claim any ownership over the ideas of others incorporated into this fic. It all belongs to its rightful owners.

* * *

 **I.**

* * *

"Bella?"

The sound of her name pulls her out of the thoughts she'd gotten lost in. When she looks to the source, she finds Edward staring at her with clear frustration painted across his features. It's the expression he wears whenever he's failed at reading her mind.

"Sorry," She murmurs in apology, both for her distraction and the block on her mind she can't control.

He'd been playing another one of the songs he'd written and the melody had lulled her mind into a trance, repetitive but soothing. She figures he asked for her opinion on the piece and the lack of reply had given away her absent-minded state.

He just nods his head in return and says, "I have to return you to Charlie's soon."

Understanding it's now time to leave, she gets up and waits for him to open the door to his room before following him down the stairs.

None of the other Cullens are in the living room when she and Edward enter. She suspects the majority of them are spread throughout the house but none make their presence known so she leaves without bidding any of them goodbye.

 _To be expected_ , she muses with a sigh as she follows Edward out of the house and to his car parked in the driveway.

She hadn't seen any of them when she arrived with him, Edward having directed her straight to his room, and the lack of any encounter was an accurate reflection of the past few days. Even when she thinks backs, the weeks before everything had been messed up were similar. The other Cullens have never interacted much with her, nor she with them; except Alice at times, and maybe Esme, but even then only once in a blue moon.

So that hasn't really changed, it's only become more evident in her mind.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

"Leah?"

She turns her head at the sound of her name and finds her mother staring at her from the doorway with a frown fixed upon her face.

"What is it, Ma?" She asks, annoyed at the interruption, wondering what she'd possibly done wrong now. The past few months have felt like everyone was turning against her, things fucking up one way or another, and her mother has been at her back more and more lately.

"I've asked you twice to go fetch your brother for an early dinner, and you're still sitting there. You know I have to head out in a few."

It's said with a tone of disapproval and a stern expression that tells tale of what will happen if her demand goes unheard once more, so with a sigh of resignation, she gets up off the couch to do as told.

Her steps resound heavily throughout the house as she climbs the stairs, making her way towards her little brother's room. She'd been watching T.V. before her mother had stepped in front of it, blocking her view, and her brother is not going to get any slack for causing her to step away.

Standing in front of her brother's door, she knocks three times in succession before loudly intoning, "It's dinner time, kid, you better hurry up before I go in there and drag you down myself!"

She waits a moment for a reply, but seconds later huffs in further annoyance when she's met with none. Knocking once more for emphasis, she opens the door to the room and prepares to shout much louder than before but ends up snapping her jaw shut when she comes face to face with an empty room.

"Seth?"

There's no answer to her question.

Huffing in annoyance once again as she's prone to do around her family, she makes her way back downstairs to inform her mother of her brother's absence.

Once she reaches the ground floor, she turns in the direction of the kitchen only to stop when she hears her mother's voice talking with someone in the living room. Rounding the rest of the way with slower steps, she freezes at the sight she's met with.

Her ex-boyfriend standing beside her no longer missing brother.

She hasn't seen him in a while, having gotten into the habit of avoiding his usual haunts to stop that very thing from happening. Him being in her home of all places brings to surface the turmoil of emotions the events of the past months have given her.

It's then that she catches Sam's reply, "It won't happen again Mrs. Clearwater, I'll be sure he gets back on time."

She watches in growing frustration as pleasantries are exchanged before Sam takes his leave, exchanging some words with Seth before finally going on his way. Once he's gone, she enters the room with a clear mix of confused anger on her features as she crosses her arms across her chest.

"What the hell was that?

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

The ride to her house is silent.

She stares out the window, once again losing herself in the turmoil of thoughts she's been falling into more and more these past few days. The steady blur of green lulls her just at the melody had beforehand, passing through her vision in flashes.

When she finally brings herself to glance at her side from the corner of her eye, she can tell Edward has noticed her state. He's sitting with an upright posture and his gaze is concentrated out the front window, watching the road. He gives no indication to any discomfort or annoyance on his part otherwise, and she fails in saying anything about her inattention and lack of focus.

She just can't bring herself to offer up an explanation, or any form of conversation at all, even in the face of his reaction.

And so they sit in silence just as they have the past few days while the car speeds along the road.

Moments later, he pulls the car up into her driveway, empty except for the cherry red pick up she hasn't driven in a while. The lack of a police chief's cruiser is noticeable but neither comments on it.

She waits in the stillness, unsure how to breach it without making her haste to be free of it obvious.

He does it for her.

"I'll come by tonight," He tells her, doesn't ask, and she only nods in acknowledgement before exiting his car.

Standing next to the porch, she watches as he drives away. He backs out of the driveway expertly and then heads off in the same direction from which they came, on his way back to his house, not once looking back at her.

With a sigh at the monotonous routine she somehow got sucked into, she looks up towards her house in slight trepidation. Knowing Charlie's not there and not wishing to go back to a room she'd spent hours upon hours sullen and depressed in, she decides to take a walk instead. She needs to clear her mind with some fresh air and the life felt in the wooded nature surrounding the town, something she'd done often in the weeks following her months of perpetual catatonia.

The cherry truck sits untouched as she heads off in the direction of the town square.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She ignores her mother's urging to stop, walking hurriedly to her truck. Knowing what exactly that was had pushed her to leave the house altogether, needing to get away for a while. Her brother had been hanging out with him of all people, and that was why he hadn't been in his room when she'd gone to get him. Sam had kindly brought him home, her mother said.

Please, he doesn't know the definition of kind, she scoffs, approaching her truck.

All that's going through her head besides the events of the past few minutes are thoughts of escape, and she complies readily with those urges.

Turning towards her mother right before she goes to open the driver side door, in a voice strained with the effort of controlling her anger and frustration, she tells her, "I'll be back soon, Ma, okay?"

Hopping into the car without waiting for a response, she turns on the engine and backs out of the driveway before making her way off the reservation.

She wonders if things will ever start looking up for her.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

It's been three days since the Cullens returned with her to Forks.

Three days since she jumped off that cliff in a haze of pain and confusion, only the thought of brief respite clear in her mind. Since Alice had come back after failing to see her getting pulled out of the water by Jacob, and she followed her to Italy in an effort to save Edward from a severely misguided attempt at death at the hands of the Volturi.

Since she ended up with a set due date to be changed into a vampire.

And throughout those three days, she has found herself more and more unsure of the decisions she's made.

Of her desire to become a vampire.

It's become clearer and clearer to her in the few days following those events that she's not as vital a member to the Cullen family - or well, coven - as she'd thought.

All of them left her without a thought to how their abandonment would affect her, or even to how she might still be hunted by the remaining members of James' coven.

They left her with no goodbye and no explanation. None except for the cruel words Edward told her right before he left her out there, alone in those woods with no clue as to how to get back. It'd taken another coming upon her, a Quileute that had carried her back to her home after finding her out there what must have been hours after Edward had gone.

She hadn't been aware of much, then.

But his words still echo in her mind even now.

They echo as he goes to embrace her, and as he drives her to and from his family's home, and even as she talks to the other Cullens on those rare moments they approach her - over and over.

Those words that have yet to be followed by an apology, words that have been left hanging as a piece of truth that cannot be erased from her memories. Edward has just reverted back to how he behaved before everything went wrong, and the other Cullens fell right in line, seemingly disregarding those months she struggled to find the energy to even get out of bed to use the bathroom.

She doesn't think most of them are even aware of all she went through.

And that's what truly causes her to realize her lack of permanence within the Cullen household, her lack of importance. Not the abandonment where they all up and left with no problem, but the lack of notice of said abandonment and all she had gone through.

She thinks her doubts wouldn't have grown so much if they'd told her why. If they just apologized and meant it, and assured her it wouldn't ever happen again.

Edward just completely pushed aside those months they were separated by his hand. He never once brought it up, just embracing her when she diverted his attempt at exposure and not letting go of his hold for the longest time. Once they returned, it all went back to how it was before she was left with no one to talk to about all she'd been through, and that was that it seemed.

Alice, the person she'd considered to be her best friend up until those events, had brought it up once. She hadn't apologized but rather scolded her for her lack of care when she returned to Forks to see if she had truly died. And moments after, they'd had to leave because she'd had that startling vision of Edward's impending death, and the abandonment was brushed aside by her as well.

She wasn't as close to the other 'kids,' spending all her time at the Cullen's with either Edward or Alice, mostly the former these days, and she doesn't hold much anger at any of the others because of that.

Just disappointment, really.

Esme still treats her as a mother would, as she'd done before, but her gestures are tainted by the abandonment and she can't bring herself to fully believe in the motherly love the woman offers.

It's all changed for her.

And she's yet to tell them of Laurent's attack and his words of warning about Victoria, unsure of how to bring it up without mentioning what's become the elephant in the room.

Their months of absence.

So now, even though she's become aware that she might not have a happy forever after with the Cullens, at least not the one she thought she would've had, she no longer has the option to 'opt-out'.

She's tied to them, to him, for the foreseeable future.

There's nothing to be done now.

She's to become a vampire after graduating if she wants to live, the Volturi having told them to visit once more in June to be sure they've followed the order. It's clear to her that they will not hesitate to hunt her down and kill her if she tries to escape her fate. And so resignation to said fate has started to seep into her as she finds no way out of carrying out her part of the deal - subjecting herself to the change - that does not include willingly offering herself up to be killed.

That will never be an option to her.

Not anymore.

She'd realized right after she jumped off that cliff that death is not something she wants for herself, ever.

And really, that's the only true upside to her situation; immortality. She won't have to fear death for a long time now, won't even have to fear the effects of old age.

But that's not much of an upside, she thinks.

Headlights suddenly flashing to the left of her shock her out of the deep trail of thought she'd been in since choosing to take that walk into town earlier.

She looks at the oncoming truck with a mixture of shock and horror, a split second thought of how she's going to die despite it all passes through her mind before she covers herself with her arms in fright and the sound of screeching tires meets her ears.

And then nothing.

Looking up, she sees that the driver had managed to twist the truck around enough that it stopped just inches away from her. She gets up and rushes towards the driver, wanting to make sure they're alright and feeling at blame for not paying attention before crossing the road.

Death must follow her around, waiting for it's chance, with how many times she's come close to it in the past year alone.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She's tired of being dismissed again and again whenever others so please. Tired of having people abandon her for another. Just plain tired of all the crap that's been thrown at her since that day months ago. The day she found out her then boyfriend Sam had left her and gotten together with her cousin.

And things just keep piling up on her.

She'd thought Sam was it for her, the one she would be with for the rest of her life, until his sudden distance and then the reveal of his new relationship with Emily had torn that image apart.

He never even officially dumped her, just expected she'd know it's over once she found out he was with another now, her cousin, and that's part of what keeps her anger at him simmering.

His lack of consideration for her feelings.

On that day, she had arrived at her cousin's place to talk about the problems she'd been having with Sam only to find him wrapped around Emily, kissing her.

It had been the deepest of betrayals to her, from both of them.

After Sam and Emily got together, she no longer had a boyfriend or a confidant. She was left with no one to talk to, and her emotions just kept bubbling up inside her 'til they exploded at the most inconvenient of times. At school, at home, she was losing control steadily before a talking to from her mother calmed her somewhat (though not fully).

She started hanging out with her brother and his friends Jacob, Quil and Embry more after that.

But one by one, they all started to change until they each abruptly joined Sam's gang of assholes and left her to sit on the outside. And so her friends, the little she had then, have joined Sam's little gang, denying any answers to the growing list of questions she has about what the hell is going on with them all. It's like part of the initiation is to become an asshole and ditch all previous acquaintances.

What has her driving from the reservation in anger now though is that her little brother, Seth, the last person she ever thought would do so, is the latest addition to Sam's gang. Even after the past couple of months without the others and their shared dislike of the others' behavior, he still betrayed her.

Just thinking about it causes her anger to spike, and she fights to calm it down as her mother taught her to.

It's as she's taking in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief second and inhaling before opening them again as she releases it in a rush, that she becomes aware of the lone figure walking across the road in front of her.

She quickly hits the brake and turns the truck as fast as she can to avoid hitting the figure, closing her eyes in fear this time as the truck screeches to an abrupt stop. Not feeling or hearing the truck impact anything, she sags in relief.

Fuck, that was close, she thinks.

Then jumps up in shock at the sudden movement from her truck. She looks to the left through the driver's side window to see that the figure - the girl - she'd almost run into was trying to open the door in a panic. Figuring out that she must be concerned, she knocks on the window and puts her hands up in a calming motion when frightened, widened eyes fall upon her.

Gesturing for the girl to step back, she pushes open the door with just a bit of force and jumps down, a bit unsteady on her legs until the girl comes to her side and helps steady her.

It's then that she realizes who said girl is.

"Bella?"

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

Rushing to the driver's side, she tries to open up the door with no luck until a tapping sounds and she looks up to see that the driver of the truck wants her to back up so she can get out.

She does as asked, watching as the girl hops down after popping open the door that'd given her trouble. She quickly moves to assist the girl when she sees her stumble on her feet a bit, wrapping an arm around the girl to help her regain some balance.

The sudden sound of her name shocks her though, and she looks up to see that she does know the driver.

Leah, her mind provides. She's one of Jacob's friends at the reservation, or at least was. Thinking back, the other girl hasn't really hung out with them in the last couple of months. Not since Bella herself found out Jacob became some kind of werewolf.

She wonders if that's why she hadn't seen the girl the last few times she hung out with Jacob before the Cullens' return.

Her lips slip into a frown then, knowing how straining keeping a secret about the supernatural's existence can be on relationships. Charlie could not understand her level of devastation when he believed Edward was just a high school boyfriend she would've eventually broken up with. He'd tried to be there for her when she'd felt her whole world had just collapsed, but she'd lost a whole family she herself had believed to be her forever after, and she couldn't tell anyone.

Until she found out about Jacob and the pack.

When she found out that her childhood friend knew about the existence of supernaturals, of vampires, and that he himself was some sort of werewolf, her world got better. She could now talk to someone who knew, who wouldn't call her crazy and have her committed for talking about her relationship with a family of vampires.

He helped her regain a better perspective of life, and she's thankful to him for that.

But thinking of him for the first time in days makes her realize she hasn't been by since the day Alice came back to check if she had died.

I should visit him soon, she absently notes.

"Bella?"

She's brought out of her thoughts by the sound of her name once again, and she looks up in embarrassment to see Leah looking at her in confusion. She really needs to stop losing herself in her mind every other minute. It's truly become a habit now.

"Sorry," she apologizes, as always, before continuing in concern when she remembers how she had run into the girl, "Are you alright though?"

"Am I alright?" Leah asks her in seeming disbelief before gesturing to her truck, "I'm the one who almost ran you over because I wasn't paying attention to the road!"

She shrugs and offers, "I hadn't been paying attention either so I guess we're both at fault then."

It's what she believes to be the truth, she was partly at fault for her lack of awareness, but her words cause the other girl to look at her in consternation for a moment before shaking her head and asking, "Are you okay? I didn't think I hit you but I'm not so sure now."

The implication behind her words is lost to her so she just shrugs it away.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine," She replies honestly.

A nod from Leah and the two fall into silence, unsure how to proceed. They never interacted much when she would go to the reservation. She usually stuck by Jacob and just stood around with him when his friends would join them, so she's unsure what to say to the girl she hasn't even interacted with in weeks.

The sudden rush of a car passing by them with a honk of warning causes them both to realize they're still in the middle of the road.

It breaks the silence.

She looks up towards the other girl as Leah offers to take her wherever she'd been heading.

"To make up for almost turning you into roadkill," she jokes.

And for a moment, she thinks about denying her. But then she figures with her state of mind as of late, she'll be better off accepting the ride and getting home in one piece, safe and sound.

Physically, at least.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

Bella gives her the address to her house before silence once again falls between them.

The lack of conversation between them is not uncomfortable. Even when the girl came to the reservation to hang out with Jacob, the two of them never really talked except for polite exchanges.

She was just Jacob's childhood friend who would sometimes be there while they were all hanging out.

All she really knows about the girl is that she was with a Cullen before they all left. The legends the tribe have passed down happened to have the name Cullen in it, and so the family isn't allowed on the reservation and an eye is kept on their going ons around Forks. If you heard the legend, you knew a Cullen was dating the police chief's daughter by association.

Not to mention, Jacob would always whine about it.

He had broken up with her though, Jacob had told her, and that was apparently why she had been so down at first. The girl was visibly upset when she had started coming around, but she seemed to have gotten better as the weeks passed.

Looking at the girl from the corner of her eye now, however, she can tell that she's down again. Briefly, she wonders what could've happened since it seems the girl got back what she'd lost. The Cullens have returned according to the idle chat she overhears and Bella hasn't been around the reservation since then, so she must be hanging with them again.

She must have gotten back together with the Cullen, so she's unsure why the girl looks as down as she'd been before.

If anything, she looks even more hopeless.

Had Jacob still been talking to her, she might have told him about all that happened and her observation of how the girl seems to be feeling down. But he's not, so she just pushes it out of her mind.

It's not her business, she's just taking the girl home to make sure she gets there alright.

Not longer after she resolves to just ignore it all, she pulls up in front of Bella's house. She breaks the silence asking Bella to confirm it's the right place, pulling her out of the daze she seemed to have gotten lost in.

"Oh yeah, thanks."

The other girl mutters at her before picking up the bag she'd had on her and hopping out of the truck. Right before driving off again, she sees Bella waving at her and returns the gesture with her own wave and a nod of her head.

When she's far enough away not to be noticed, she turns to look back at the fading figure before refocusing on the road.

It's time for her to head back home and apologize to her mother before she heads off to work.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

It's the third silent car ride of the day.

She's lost count of the number for the past few days. Most spent with Edward, an awkward one with Charlie when he picked her up from the Cullens the day she returned from Italy, and now Leah Clearwater.

An odd addition to her list, for sure.

Leah doesn't seem to notice the silence though, or maybe she just doesn't mind it as much as she herself does.

Their goodbye is as succinct as their whole encounter had been.

Her stomach growls as she's watching Leah's truck drive off, reminding her that she's yet to eat dinner, and she pushes the odd encounter out of her mind as she does with most things lately.

She makes enough dinner for her and Charlie, leaves his in the microwave and puts a note on the counter for him to see when he returns from his long shift at the station. Mindless television accompanies her dinner and the following hours before she heads up to get ready for bed.

It's a school day tomorrow, Spring Break now officially over, and she has to go to sleep earlier than she has been the past week.

Her dreams aren't really welcoming.

Edward's there when she enters her room, and she pauses for a second before continuing to her dresser.

She'd genuinely forgotten he said he'd come by tonight. It used to be what she looked forward to most nights, a disappointment when he wasn't there. But now, it's just become another part of the routine.

"I'm gonna shower," she tells him and waits for his nod of acknowledgement before making her way towards the bathroom she shares with Charlie.

As she's washing herself, she contemplates ending the relationship for a few solid seconds. She dismisses the thought almost as quickly as it comes to her mind though. It'll only make things worse, she decides. And so she commits to doing as he's done and reverting back to how it'd been before, continuing with the routine that's been established.

At least until she's figured things out.

Stepping out of the shower, she makes quick work of putting on her sleep attire, suddenly exhausted and just wanting to succumb to sleep already despite what it may bring her.

She'll push it all away to deal with at another time, again.

When she enters her bedroom, he's laying on her bed with his arms stretched out in seeming invitation and a big part of her hates that he no longer needs to be convinced to do so. Before he had left, even before her dreaded birthday party, she'd had to tell him that she couldn't sleep well without him holding her to get him to agree to lay with her.

She's not so sure it'll bring the same comfort to her now.

Still, she complies and settles into his arms once she's climbed into bed as she's done multiple times before. And it seems she was right. With the revelations of late and the doubt that's creeping through her bones, it's no longer the comforting embrace it once was.

Even the coldness of his body bothers her now.

At least she knows he'll be gone in the morning and she'll have seven hours of school to ruminate over things once more.


	2. II

**Disclaimer** : I do not claim any ownership over the ideas of others incorporated into this fic. It all belongs to its rightful owners.

* * *

 **II.**

* * *

The next morning she wakes to an empty bed.

From her stretched out position, she figures Edward must have left sometime in the middle of the night. It doesn't surprise her. She knows, due to the way her blood apparently sings to him, that he can only be around her for so long before it becomes a strain on his self control.

But what does surprise her, however, is that she actually slept through his leave; and rather peacefully too.

He hasn't stayed the night since their return - leaving as she was falling asleep the only other time he came over - so she hadn't known how she'd react to his presence. Despite that, a lack of reaction had never occurred to her. Before, she would stir at his slightest movement and the sudden absence of his coldness would pull her from her sleep. But she hadn't stirred nor woken when he moved to leave, not once throughout the night.

If anything, she'd felt the most discomfort when trying to fall asleep with him besides her.

Maybe the dozens of restless nights she had after the Cullens left were more than enough for her to learn to fall into a deep enough sleep that his absence was no longer a bother to her.

Yes, it's likely she'd gotten used to falling into a deep sleep sans a cold body's presence.

 _Or maybe my feelings for him have faded more than I thought._ The idea passes through her mind briefly, quickly, and she tries to bat it away rapidly before it could fully take root.

She doesn't want to contemplate that second thought, not ready for what it would mean. She doesn't know how things will go if she loses all those feelings she had for him, all that love. It would be far from a favorable outcome. Knowing she has to stay with him, that her future is tied with him, but not being able to because she can't bring herself to.

So she stops that train of thought before it can unravel any further, leading to thoughts better left alone until her mind is ready to truly deal with them.

Like her eventual vampirism.

Instead, she rises from her bed to get ready for the day.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She's been laying in her bed for the past half hour or so doing absolutely nothing.

There's no more school for her as she graduated the previous year so she doesn't have to get up to get ready like Seth still does. Her shift at the bookstore on the reservation doesn't start until late in the afternoon and she only works three days out of the week so that's not an option. And she's put a hold on college until she can figure out what exactly she wants to do because she doesn't have money to waste on random courses.

Basically, she doesn't have anything to do for the whole morning and she plans to spend it doing exactly that - nothing.

The fact her mother doesn't approve of her laziness is just another upside.

"Leah! Seth! Breakfast!"

Talking about her mother.

She gets up from her bed a bit surprised to hear her call to go downstairs and eat. Usually, her mother is in bed resting from the long night shift she'd had at the reservation's hospital. Now that both she and her brother are old enough to look after themselves, her mother has begun picking up the nighttime shifts as it pays more given the hours.

So hearing her mother up this early brings a sliver of worry creeping into her as thoughts of what might be going on circle her mind.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

After passing a hand through her hair a final time, she rests both hands on the sink.

Her reflection stares back at her in the bathroom mirror, the expression on her face wrought with a sort of dreaded expectancy. It's far different to the lost in thought expression she's worn the past few days, but it's still an accurate reflection of what her life has been like in that time.

The cause for the expression; she doesn't want to go to school.

Given how fast news travels in a small town like Forks, the other students will most definitely know that the Cullens have returned by now. It's an inevitability. And so she's dreading what might happen when she's there, unsure how others will react or what they'll say to her about it.

It's not likely to be pleasant in any way, she knows.

Especially with the way things are.

During the months she spent in a semi-catatonic state, she'd grown distant from the few friends she had somehow managed to make at Forks High. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone back then about what she had experienced, couldn't have even if she did. Knowing that nobody would have believed her about her troubled experiences with a family of vampires and the severe feelings of abandonment they left her with prevented her from seeking advice from anyone.

Because of that, she had sometimes even believed she just imagined it all.

She had no proof of their nature, no mementos of them, nothing, and it all just perpetuated that idea. Though she couldn't really go so far as to say nothing as she had the scar on the inside of her wrist from James' bite overlapped with Edward's to look at in those moments.

In a way, the mark was a saving grace, letting her know that it all truly happened and giving her that small bit of comfort that came from knowing she was not insane.

It was a small light in the sudden darkness of her world.

But even after she had mostly returned to herself, and despite the fact she sits with them at lunch often, her friendships with the group never fully recovered. And really, she's not sure she wants it to at this point.

The others haven't brought up what had happened to her. At least, not after the first few times they tried to pry once she opened back up to the outside world again, and she had acted rather harsh in an attempt to get them to leave her alone. It seems like they are hesitant to question her in case she reverts back into that shell of a person she'd been, or in case she attacks them. And she likes no longer having to worry about someone trying to force her to talk about it.

Charlie had stopped trying right away in his discomfort, so it being the same at school just made things easier (not necessarily better for her metal health, but easier to get by).

So she doesn't want it to stop, their continued lack of questioning and avoidance of the 'Cullen topic'.

But that could very well change today with the news of their return, and it would just further shatter the relative peace she'd been gaining in her life these past few months.

Releasing a long exhalation of breath, she looks away from the mirror and heads down to eat.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

It takes her no time to become presentable.

When she gets to the kitchen, she finds Seth already sitting at the table and her mother serving up a plate for her. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary immediately, she takes her own seat further from her brother than usual.

She's not above admitting her anger towards her brother's actions yesterday still lingers bitterly.

Muttering a thank you to her mother for the plate of food she's handed, she falls silent once again as she begins to eat. She tries not to pay either occupants of the room any mind while doing so. Her mother is on her shitlist a bit as well for how she'd acted towards Sam, the guy who'd cheated on her daughter and didn't even have the decency to officially end things.

Something both of them seemed to have forgotten.

In very little time, she's done. But when she stands up to leave, she's stopped by her mother who asks to talk to her.

 _And there it is, the catch._

This must be the reason her mother had gotten up early and made breakfast, she figures. Not really having any other option, she sits back down and waits for her mother to speak.

"Seth, why don't you go get ready for school now, sweetie," her mother faces her brother instead of addressing her right away.

He does as told without a word, of course.

As soon as they're alone, her mother turns to her. However, before she can speak, she asks her, "Why were you like that yesterday?"

By yesterday, she's referring to the way her mother acted so graciously towards Sam and then spoke so nicely about him to her. That was not something she ever expected to see or hear again after what he'd done. It shouldn't be.

There's a heaviness that sets on her mother's features at the question, one she doesn't understand.

"Leah, baby, I know that it's hard for you and rightly so with everything that happened, but there are things that can't really be explained. Sam is helping Seth deal with some things. It's compli - "

"What things?" She interrupts, now confused about what her mother is talking about and the way she's acting.

She doesn't think it's a complicated matter. Her mother should be on her side, she was the one wronged. End of story.

But apparently, her mother does not see it as clear cut as she does.

She crosses her arms in defense as her mother goes to reply. That heaviness hasn't gone away, and her mother is looking at her with sad, helpless eyes. And she really doesn't understand what's going on, but she doesn't allow her mother's expression to break her resolve.

She wants answers.

"Leah, it's just - " Her mother breaks off with a heavy sigh, looking away in seeming resignation before finishing, "I'm sorry, baby."

It might have been enough in any other matter, the way her mother seems to genuinely hate that she can't explain herself. But she doesn't want to hear apologies and placations in this one.

No, she wants to know why and what. And it seems that confronting a more direct source will get her that, like her brother.

She doesn't look back to reassure her mother when she leaves this time.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She's just finishing up her breakfast when she hears the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway.

Her brows furrow in confusion as to who it could be. She knows Charlie came in earlier in the morning, his sheriff car parked outside, so it couldn't be him. And no one else really visits them at home.

Placing her spoon down in the bowl and jumping off the stool at the kitchen counter, she heads toward the door to peek through the peephole.

A sigh falls from her lips when she sees the Volvo now sitting outside her house, waiting.

 _Edward, of course_ , she thinks in resignation.

Really, she should have expected it. It had been another one of those endearing habits of his before he left and her thoughts of him had changed. He would pick her up in the mornings for school, giving the excuse of wanting more time with her, and then drive her to his home after school.

She thought it charming, then, how much he wanted to be with her.

But now, it's just another memory tainted by that hanging piece of truth, one of many she's finding out. It seems his love for her has been marred in her eyes. She can't be with him now without thinking he might not truly want to be with her.

There's a hesitation to her gestures towards him, a lot of held back affection for him that she feels slowly fading as a result of those unraveling thoughts.

She's began wondering how her life might have turned out if she never saw them again. What would have happened if she'd continued on without them. Would she have developed feelings for someone else eventually, maybe even someone from school, or if she would have been unable to love another after that heartache. She wonders how many more years of life she would have had.

Morbidly enough, she wonders how she would have eventually died. If it would have been natural, a death of old age.

Or something more drastic.

With how things are turning out now that they have returned, she thinks she would have been better off either way. With or without someone to spend the remaining years of her life with.

At least she knows they can't up and leave without her again because of the Volturi.

She has assurance that it won't happen all over again, yet it's not as reassuring at it should be.

Heading back to the kitchen, she makes quick work of cleaning up after herself. Once she's done, she grabs her backpack and the keys to the house, then proceeds to lock up.

As she's making her way to the Volvo, she sends out a silent thanks to whoever is up there that the Cullens won't be in school for another week. Things would have surely gone amiss if their presence joined the spreading rumors.

She's unsure what to do about his continued presence, though.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She walks up the stairs with determined steps.

If she has anything to say about it - and she does - her brother is going to tell her what the hell is happening.

It's one thing for something as harsh as her breakup had been to happen. People break up all the time, some as a result of cheating as well. It's far from a rare phenomenon. But to have to re-experience that betrayal almost constantly ever since that moment, it's another thing altogether. She doesn't get to forget or push the memories aside like most do, nor is she able to move on with her life.

No, she has the misfortune to live on a small reservation where everyone knows each other and be reminded of her heartbreak at seemingly every turn.

These run-ins are either random or unavoidable. She'll see her ex when she heads into the center to run errands. Or she'll run into her cousin at the get-togethers she's obligated to attend, and she'll usually be accompanied by him. Or she'll see them both walking by while she's just trying to spend some time outside.

At this point, she's almost desensitized to it with how often it happens.

But to have him walk into her house alongside her brother and be treated kindly by both her brother and mother right in front of her eyes is not something she'll stand for. She's done not speaking out about things in an attempt to avoid any confrontations.

It's just not fair to herself.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

Silent car rides are beginning to take a toll on her.

It's minutes upon minutes of sitting in an enclosed space as the air around her fills up with heavy silence. It's failed starts to false conversations and awkward throat clearing breaking through. It's thought-filled moments that she could go without and the occasional meeting of gazes that move away far too quickly to be casual.

It's strained and uncomfortable. And really, she would much rather not experience another one ever again.

But here she is once more, stuck in another silent car ride with the person who has starred in far too many as of late; and what's worse about this one in particular is that it wasn't supposed to happen at all. Edward wasn't meant to pick her up. It had been a surprise to see his car sitting outside when she looked out the peephole.

She woke that morning expecting she had until after school, at least, to regroup from the prolonged time spent around him the past few days following months of no contact.

There had been no prior warning of his arrival.

And because of the lack of notice, she had been determined to disregard his presence.

She had gone out prepared to tell him to head back home, that she'd rather drive herself to school as she'd done the past months of his absence, but it hadn't gone down like that. Instead, when she'd gotten to the car and saw the expression painted on his face - expectant, like he was looking forward to this, like it was one of the few things that gave his life meaning - she just deflated and succumbed to his wishes.

It made her feel like she regressed somehow. Like her resolve to take charge of her life had slipped after months of harnessing the courage to even want to. Like she had failed a test in a way.

It wasn't a feeling she cared for.

He had wished her a good morning when she opened the door to the car, and she had muttered one in return, even managing to draw on the remnants of a smile in response. But that feeling of disappointment at her failure to act had settled in. She felt an increasing lack of desire to talk about anything, and that did nothing to hold back the silence.

It seemed her soured mood only encouraged the quiet as Edward picked up on the cues and didn't bring anything up himself.

And so the car ride to school passed without a sound.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

When she reaches her brother's door, she knocks hard and without restraint twice in a row before stepping back in expectation.

It doesn't take him long to open up.

"Hey, are you trying to break my door down or something." It's said with a tone laced in both nervousness and attempted humor.

She only stares at him with a look that speaks of the anger she's feeling, not deeming his words with a response. After a few seconds of locked gazes and no move to let her enter, she takes the initiative and pushes past him into his room. A quick survey of his room follows her entrance before she turns back around to face him as he closes the door behind her.

He draws out a dubious, "O-kay then," then continues with, "What's going on, Leah?"

The question does nothing to lessen her anger, nor does his expression. They both know that _he_ knows why she's stormed up here. His attempt to act like he doesn't is just irritating and she makes her thoughts clear with a roll of the eyes as she crosses her arms across her chest.

(She thinks of how the position is said to be defensive but doesn't move to counteract it; she _is_ feeling rather defensive of herself.)

But she also knows that she needs to calm down if she wants to continue. It won't be much help if she goes off on him before she gets the chance to question him mercilessly about his perceived betrayal until he spills everything.

Taking in a deep breath, she holds it for a second before exhaling in one go and asking, "Why are you hanging out with him now?"

She can tell her outright demand of the clearly visible elephant in the room startles him at first because of the lack of a response. He doesn't start spitting out excuses as she thought he would when she confronted him about it, as he's done in the past. Instead, he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. (And she's questioning her sudden fascination with animal references for a moment.)

The fact of the matter is, she will not carry around the burden of her brother's betrayal because of a lack of answers. She cannot deal with that on top of everything else that's been happening in her life; including her future that's up in the air.

She gives him up to the count of eight before demanding an answer once more, "Well?"

"Leah, I didn't mean to hurt you." Is what he comes up with, stuttered out with hands lifted in a placating gesture.

She scoffs loudly in return, "You didn't _mean_ to?! That's all you have to say for yourself?"

He goes to add on some more words that are probably meant to mollify her but she cuts him off before he can even begin.

"No, you know how much crap I've gone through since the day I found out about _them_. You were right there with me as our former friends started to suddenly hang out with him and leave us in the dust. And yet, you have the nerve to go and do the same not meaning to hurt me! What the hell does that even mean?!"

He turns his head to the side in shame as her chest puffs from the exertion of screaming.

She looks at him expectantly as she calms herself down, waiting for a response. However, he doesn't have a chance to reply as their mother walks in and breaks into the conversation.

(She can't even blame anyone else because her shouts were probably what clued their mother into the confrontation that was going on.)

"Leah!" It's said in an admonishing tone, their mother having walked into the room and stepped in between her and Seth, facing her as she talks. "What are you doing yelling at your brother like that. I already told you what happened, you don't need to hound him like this."

Another scoff escapes her as she turns away from the both of them and just walks out the room without another word.

It seems it's two against one now.

 _Whatever happened to a united family_ , she bitterly thinks.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

It doesn't take long to reach the school given Edward's driving; it's like the fast and furious without much fury, just thick silence. She thinks it might have been in record time but suspects that her relief at her imminent freedom is the real reason for that thought.

Either way, the relief doesn't last long once she's met with the crowd loitering around Forks High's parking lot.

She had been right about what awaited her, unfortunately.

It feels like dozens of stares fall upon her the moment she exits Edward's car. She can feel them on her as she ducks back in to retrieve her bag and say a quiet goodbye to Edward. It's an uncomfortable sensation but she tries to ignore it.

When he tells her he'll pick her up afterwards, she dryly thanks him for the forewarning in her mind and watches as he drives away.

She waits a couple of seconds after his departure before facing the crowd, taking in a deep breath and releasing it in a quick exhalation as she gathers her nerve. She briefly wonders if she might have been able to avoid the looks a little longer if he hadn't dropped her off, but it's doubtful. Not much else goes on in a town as small as Forks; gossip is a major source of entertainment, she's learned.

The only upside is that no one looks at her directly when she surveys the horde of students.

 _Maybe they're finally learning subtlety_ , she muses sarcastically.

However, that theory gets thrown out the figurative window moments later when her 'usual' group of friends surrounds her.

The array of expressions on their faces conveys their thoughts on the latest development rather plainly. Angela shows understanding and compassion. Eric is just as eager to get the latest info, like the journalist-to-be that he is. Mike's jealousy seems to be rooted in conflict, most likely because of his rather new relationship to Jessica, who also seems to be conflicted with a different type of jealousy - or rather, envy.

She knows the latter two have mostly gotten over their past issues with her, but it seems she's not the only one struggling with previous feelings.

Thankfully, it's not as difficult to nip their questions in the bud as it'd once been. A simple "I'd rather not talk about it" is enough to get them to nod and leave it alone. Her shoulders lower a bit in relief that the progress she'd made with them has not been completely torn apart.

It's a small silver lining.

Though it still feels like the gazes follow her across the parking lot, she pays it no mind now. With her group of friends at her sides, she feels much more confident and makes her way to the school's front doors with her head held high.

It's not likely that anyone besides the few she actually talks to will come up to her and pry, after all.


	3. III

**Disclaimer** : I do not claim any ownership over the ideas of others incorporated into this fic. It all belongs to its rightful owners.

* * *

 **III.**

* * *

She stares at the clock in wait as the final minutes of the school day draw her closer and closer to freedom.

Things didn't go as bad as she'd dreaded, but there was an obvious shift in the number of people who paid her any attention. It was sort of reminiscent of her first day at Forks High, except much more subdued in a way. At least people hadn't stared at her like she was a spectacle meant to be the school's entertainment like they had done then.

It was another small relief.

She's also relieved the Cullens won't be attending school for the remainder of the week. If they had returned to school right off the bat, it wouldn't have gone as well as today had - relatively speaking, since it wasn't great by any stretch of the word.

It would've been worse than her first day, she thinks.

Back then - when she first arrived to town - the Cullens had already been living there for the whole year prior. Forks High had grown used to them and their oddities. And then she'd shown up and thrown things out of order. (A Cullen had paid attention to someone for once, it was a shock.) So now, the Cullens randomly returning after they had left out of seemingly nowhere would draw a lot of talk and attention she doesn't want.

So she's thankful for that grace.

But also really annoyed that she is.

She should not have to deal with all the gossip that surrounds her whenever something that doesn't happen to be the normal day to day occurs. It's an uncomfortable thing to be the center of such bothersome attention. Unnecessary and unwanted.

She can't wait to get high school over with.

Although now the graduation she'd been looking forward to - and working hard towards - has been tainted by her eventual shift.

So much is going to change once she's a vampire, and she doesn't feel ready for any of it.

Maybe once upon a time, when she'd still been head over heels for Edward and didn't know the pain his words could cause, she would have been thrilled with the opportunity to become like him. But that time has long since passed, and all she can think of when her mind strays to that line of thought is all she'll be giving up for essentially nothing in return.

College. A career. Her friends. And her family; the biggest concern.

She doesn't mean one she might of had. No, she never really cared about having one of her own down the line - husband and kids was never a dream of hers. But rather, the one she has now - her parents.

She won't be able to be with them anymore, not while she's a blood-crazed baby vamp. And she doesn't want them to deal with the loss of her. It's the unimaginable, isn't it, to lose a child. At least her mother will have Phil, but her father -

Charlie doesn't have anyone besides her.

Not really. Not unless she takes into account the people he's friends with at the reservation. Like the Clearwaters and Billy and -

Jacob.

It's only the second time since everything happened that she remembers him, and the guilt sinks in at her inconsideration.

He was the one to fully pull her out of the funk she'd been in. The knowledge that he knew about supernaturals - that he _was_ one - had given her the chance to finally talk about it all. It had been freeing, to just talk about it; a little bit of therapy in a way.

 _And I repay him by forgetting him the moment the Cullens return_ , she thinks with reproach.

She resolves right there and then to visit him, and decides on doing so the very same day with determination. She won't let herself forget him and what he did for her again.

The bell rings out right at that moment.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

Her mind is drifting along with the wind as she lays out on the sand of La Plush.

She still has a few hours until she's due to head out to the bookstore so she decided to come out to the beach to try to relax some.

The La Plush beach has been her go-to spot to just be on her own ever since the death of her father when she first started high school. He used to bring her and Seth to the beach to play every weekend as a sort of tradition, always telling them he wanted to make sure they knew he'd make time for them despite his busy schedule.

It had been her favorite part of the week for years.

After he'd been taken from her through a heart attack, it had become her safe haven. She hadn't wanted to be around many people after she'd lost him and it was the only place she could go to be completely alone. Even after the first year since his death had past, she had continued to go whenever she began feeling down about both his absence and whatever else she was going through.

She hadn't gone out there much after she met Sam sophomore year though.

He'd been a junior then and she had fallen hopelessly in love with him in only weeks. It felt like he was everything she'd ever needed to be happy with life and she had thought things were finally looking up for her again. The devastation she'd felt at her father's death had been dulled with his arrival in her life and she'd gone into their relationship with everything she had left.

The end of them had taken all of that renewed vigor for life with it and the trips to the beach had started back up with a vengeance.

She hadn't known how she was going to recover from another loss then. Things had once again gone completely wrong and it seemed to just keep on heading downhill from there. Her mother had tried to console her many times since everything happened but it didn't do much to quell the sadness nor anger she'd felt (and still feels).

It felt like the universe had it out for her.

Her father had been extremely healthy up until that heart attack that seemed to have come out of nowhere took him.

Things with Sam had been amazing. They were both very clear about wanting to be together and had practically been engaged before the betrayal had come out of that very same nowhere.

Each one of the friends that had left and decided to join up with Sam had done so out of that damn nowhere as well.

She's started thinking that nowhere and the universe were one in the same with all of that.

And screwing her over seemed to be their favorite pastime.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She spots Edward's car the moment she exits the school's main doors.

It wasn't difficult to do as his Volvo sits stationary towards the back of the lot surrounded by vacant parking spaces. She figures the people that had been parked there moments before school let out had driven off at his presence.

She understands that urge to flee.

For a brief moment, the thought of just ignoring him darts through her mind. She doesn't want to sit in tensed silence once more, but she doesn't really have a choice in the matter. He's her only ride. So that thought is brushed aside as quickly as it arrived and she takes in a deep breath - preparing herself for the next fifteen or so minutes of an awkward car ride - before making her way over to him with reluctant resolve.

(That moment of preparation ends up useless when the ride doesn't go the way she expected it to.)

She enters the car only to be greeted by Edward's tense posture with tightened hands on the steering wheel. She knows immediately that there's something wrong but is unsure of what exactly. It could be that the blood of all the students still at the school is bothering him, or it could be the thoughts of those very same students that is the problem.

But then it could be neither of those and something else entirely has caused his current mood.

She doesn't get to question what the problem is once she's settled in though. As soon as she's buckled in, he starts the car back up and maneuvers around the parking lot to the exit in what felt like a matter of seconds.

There's no change in his demeanor after some distance has been made between them and the school though so she can at least rule out the students being the cause.

Once a few more moments have passed with no change, however, she gathers up the nerve to question him and quietly asks, "Um, is everything okay?"

Thinking about it, it seems like it's the first time since she ran to him in Volterra that she's been genuinely worried about him. She's unsure what to feel about that thought - he'd meant a lot to her and the change in her feelings for him is only a recent revelation - but the thought lingers in her mind as she waits for his response.

Long moments pass in silence before he finally speaks.

And when he does, he seems to be making a concentrated effort to relax his muscles as he says, "I'm fine," with very little convincing force before continuing with, "I actually have a new song I'm working on that I want to show you since yesterday was cut a bit short."

"Oh."

She's unsure what to say given the promise she'd made to herself just before school finished. She planned on going straight over to Jacob's after she'd eaten some early dinner, and she doesn't want to back out of that plan so she tries to figure out a way to get around his invitation.

The problem is that she can't tell him about Jacob given that the two are basically natural enemies, so she has to come up with a believable excuse to avoid any possible arguments. (The fact she even has to think like that about him is another thing that can be added to the mental list of cons that's been in progress since the return from Italy.)

She remembers a common one she used to use seconds later.

"Well, I kind of have a lot of homework to get done today so I can't come over. Sorry," she tells him, tacking on the apology at the end as an afterthought.

It's only because she turns to look at him while she speaks that she catches the further tensing of his hands around the steering wheel.

"Ah, then I'll help you finish it when I'm done showing you the new piece."

Her brows furrow in confusion for a moment. That's the opposite of the reaction she'd been expecting. She thought he'd let it go right away. It had always worked in the past (although it had actually been the truth back then). She's not sure what else to say to get out of it without upsetting him now, but maybe it won't be so bad to go with a version of the truth.

No mention of Jacob should be good enough to avoid any problems.

"Actually, I was thinking of going down to the reservation to hang out with some friends. I know you don't like going down there, so I didn't want to bring it up."

She's so concentrated on watching for any movement as she's speaking that it startles her when he huffs out a short laugh out of nowhere and says, "You mean you're going down to the reservation to hang out with _Jacob_."

The name is spat out in obvious distaste and she winces as the pieces all fall together. Alice must have had a vision when she'd decided on the trip and Edward either heard it from her directly or read her mind. She'd forgotten about that possibility for a moment there. (Understandably so as she hasn't had to think about her decisions being seen by a vampire for months.)

 _Stupid future seeing vampire_ , she thinks in frustration. She could have gone without a fight over this for the rest of her life (and afterlife).

He continues when she fails to speak up, "At least you're not denying that you were lying to me, but how could you just lie to me like that, Bella."

The sadness in his voice causes her to deflate. Despite her not feeling as deeply for him anymore, she doesn't want to purposefully hurt him. There is still some fondness from memories long past that lingers in her. She tells him her reasoning to try to lessen the damage, explaining, "I knew you wouldn't like it so I wanted to avoid any problems."

"If you know I don't like you going down there, why are you then?" He lets out in a frustrated tone, not waiting for a response before continuing, "I can't go onto the reservation because of the treaty and Alice can't see anything with the wolves obscuring her visions. It's better if you don't go where I can't protect you, Bella."

It's a tired reasoning that she's heard too many times, his desires to protect her being the argument behind all the decisions he makes for her, and it causes her to call out in frustration, "Yeah well, _Jacob_ was the one who protected me after _you_ left me alone. You can't keeping using that to stop me from doing things!"

The reaction to her words is immediate and unexpected.

Edward's shoulders seem to slump and his whole figure just deflates, as if the argument had just rushed out of him. With a sigh that sounds tired and resigned, he says, "Of course, you're right."

She freezes in surprise at his response, eyebrows shooting upward, not sure what happened. It's not like him to hand over the victory like that. At least, it wasn't in the past. She's starting to realize that he hasn't been completely the same himself since the return.

Before she can question his own seeming changes, he's pulling up into her driveway and speaking once more, "I'll see you another day then, Bella, go ahead and head down to the reservation."

Further confused by his actions and words, she doesn't move for a moment as she tries to think of something to say. When nothing comes to mind except an 'um, oh-kay,' she just shakes her head and moves to get out of the car.

Once the door is closed, she turns to maybe try again but just ends up watching as he backs out of the driveway and leaves her in befuddlement at the sudden turn in the situation.

Maybe the silent car rides were a blessing in disguise if this mess of frustration and confusion is the alternative.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

Her troubled rant of thoughts had tired her out enough for her to reach that state just between wakefulness and sleep.

That state where thoughts are nothing but far away trains bellowing softly in the distance.

That great feeling of peace that has been so rare for her for far too long.

After the fight she'd had with her brother that morning and the walk down memory lane earlier, she is relishing in it. She cherishes the brief moment of respite it brings. (The only other time she feels that is when night has fallen and she's given in to the pull of sleep.)

But of course it doesn't last long.

She's torn from her rest by shouting coming from a bit farther up the beach. It's indistinguishable at first, nothing but a racket of sounds that has traveled far enough to ring through the previous calm of the beach, so she pays it no mind. She rolls her eyes in annoyance and resolves to block it out but then a distinct voice meets her ears and she's unable to follow through with that.

 _Seth?_

She knows her brother's voice, has heard it enough in his sixteen years of life that it doesn't take long for the sound of it to irritate her. Knowing her brother isn't supposed to be out of school for another hour at least, she gets up to find out what's he's doing there.

After packing up the few things she'd brought with her, she walks towards the voices that are steadily growing louder and comes face to face with the latest betrayal in her life.

Seth is there just as she expected to find, but so is Sam and most of the other little members of his gang. The shouting seems to be the result of the little dare devil game they have going on. While some of the boys are standing drenched further along the beach from her, the others are all the way up on the cliff that overlooks the far left side of the beach.

Cries of 'jump, jump' are being yelled up to the remaining members on the cliff.

She doesn't know who the hell is next to jump off and whether they do it because she's already written it off as she marches towards her brother standing with the group who had already gone.

"Seth!" She calls out as soon as she's within close enough range to be heard loudly.

His reaction would have been hilarious if she hadn't been as pissed off as she was. He jumps a good foot into the air and turns around to her with frightened eyes, knowing her anger is not something one would want to be brought upon them.

"Leah! Uh, what are you doing here?"

She scoffs at his nervous tone and shifty eyes as she pauses a few feet in front of him and the group that has turned around at her call as well.

"I'm the one who's asking you that, kid. What the hell are you doing?!"

Before her brother can come up with a response that's sure to be crap, Sam - who stood amongst the already drenched - stepped up and tried to steer the conversation by saying, "Hey, it's fine Leah. Your mother knows what's happening so you don't need to concern yourself."

She knows from the years she'd been with him that he meant those words to be soothing and calm her but it does the opposite of what he'd wanted. Instead, it only stirs up more of her anger and adds in the frustration at the lack of control she has in her life.

"No, _Samuel_. It is not _fine._ You're endangering my little brother with your stupid games!"

She can tell immediately that she's embarrassed her brother by pointing out his status as younger but she doesn't care. If he doesn't seem to care about how his actions hurt and affect her, then she won't either about him. After all, fair's fair.

She doesn't expect anyone to butt into the conversation that clearly involves only her and her brother - she already knew Sam was going to try to interfere - but someone else does. Paul, one of the idiots she hadn't been friends with at all scoffs at her statement, seeming to find fault in something she'd said.

"Please, like he can get hurt by doing _that_."

He dismissed the danger of the situation so flipping that she has to resist the urge to throttle him and resign herself to just rolling her eyes and ignoring him.

"Get whatever you have here, Seth, we're going home."

She turns around expecting to be followed without a word but is stopped by Seth this time.

"I'm not leaving Lee."

The fact that he's used his childhood nickname for her is not lost on her but she ignores it.

"What are you talking about? Stop being an idiot and come with me, Seth. You shouldn't be out here."

She's facing the group again but wishes she had just grabbed her brother and dragged him off when Sam speaks up again.

"Look, Leah, I know you're still mad at me but you don't need to keep your brother from having fun with us because of that."

Her jaw locks at his statement and it takes a lot of will power to keep from cursing the idiot out. Yes, she's still mad at him but that has nothing to do with the fact her brother is doing dangerous shit instead of being in school. The fact her mother seems to know what's going on doesn't make it better. She doesn't know what the hell is going but she's starting to think they've all gone off the deep end - figuratively.

Yet she's also getting tired of all the damn back and forth. There is a limit to how much she can take, so she figures if her mother knows then she's absolved of any responsibility and can just leave.

She breathes out a tired "Okay, fine," and turns back around to head home on her own.

Maybe the only way to deal with the lack of control is to give it up herself.

She needs a break from all the turmoil anyway.

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She slowly pulls up into Jacob's driveway, though it can't really be called such.

It was only once Edward was no longer in view that she realized he had still managed to make it seem as though he'd given her the permission to go. With renewed determination, she'd gone into her house and made the first thing she could find to eat - a sandwich - before hopping into her truck and driving off to the reservation.

The driveway of the Black household is really just a wide, cleared space besides the house that's been designated as such by the vehicles already parked there.

It's not as crowded as it used to be back when Jacob's sister still lived there so she finds a spot besides the second car easily enough. There's no answer to her knocks at the main house, so she makes her way around back to see if Jacob is working on a car in the shed. When she doesn't find him there either, she pulls out her phone to message him.

She'd been hoping to surprise him with her visit but his absence makes that impossible.

He replies to her immediately with a 'Be there soon' and so she settles in to wait on the porch of the house. It feels like only a few minutes had gone by when she hears her name being called out.

"Bella?"

Jacob appears around the bend of the house dressed in his new attire of choice - shorts and shoes with nothing else. He seems to have grown a liking to the freedom the style offers him and it had taken a while for her to get used to the new look.

It fits him though.

She gets up as he jogs up to her lightly and she can tell he'd run here from his appearance and the way he brushes his hand through the short bit of hair he has left after cutting it all off. It explains his quick arrival and she's thankful he's done so. She wasn't really in the mood to wait and be left thinking about things she'd come here to avoid.

"Jacob, hey!"

She initiates a hug, knowing that her behavior the past few days was pretty crappy of her, and he seems to accept it willingly - if a bit awkwardly. She doesn't bring attention to that though. Even if she had not done it purposely, it wasn't nice to leave him hanging after all he'd done for her.

And so she doesn't think much more about the tensing of his form before he pulls away from her until he speaks up again.

"Bella Swan, long time no see."

She winces at the implied dig but goes along with it, knowing she deserved it. He must have picked up a slight whiff of Edward's scent from her being in his car. She remembers the pack's talk of the awful cloy of sweetness the vampires gave off. It must be easily discernible with his enhanced smell.

"Yeah, sorry Jake, I don't really have an excuse for that."

And she doesn't even want to try to make one up. He deserves her honesty after everything., saving her both literally and figuratively.

"Yeah, I guess the return of the almighty Cullens and your little Edward must be too distracting to remember the person who was there for you after they _abandoned_ you," she winces once more as he continues, "What are you thinking Bella, going back to him just like that?"

It's something she's been struggling with herself and being lectured on it is not helpful.

He doesn't know everything though, so she just tries to explain to him, saying, "I know how it looks Jacob, believe me, but some things happened in Italy and this is the best way to handle it all right now."

She knows she's practically begging for understanding at this point.

He just scoffs at her though, demanding, "What the hell could have happened that would lead you back to _him_?"

And it's then that she realizes that even though she wants to be honest with him, she can't. She knows the rules of the Cullen's treaty with the Pack and the Elders, and telling Jacob that she has to be changed into a vampire will only cause problems she'd rather avoid. If the pack tries to do something to prevent it from happening, someone could very well end up dead somehow, she just knows it.

So it's better if she keeps that bit of truth from him, without a doubt, but she still doesn't want to lie so she instead tells him, "I really can't talk about it Jake."

She pours as much sincerity and apology into it as she possibly can but it doesn't seem to be enough.

He looks at her for a moment before scoffing once more and shaking his head as he says, "Figures. I'm the one who's been there for you but he's still the one you want. Come back when you're ready to see how stupid going back to him is."

She has no choice but to watch as he turns his back on her and heads into his house. The pain his words cause her feels well deserved and she lets it sink in as she stands on the porch alone once more.

Her one true friend has turned on her now.

She looks at the door to the house with one final look of regret, then turns to head back to her truck with a single thought.

Maybe sleep will cure her heart of the jumbled emotions it's cycling through.


	4. IV

**Disclaimer** : I do not claim any ownership over the ideas of others incorporated into this fic. It all belongs to its rightful owners.

* * *

 **IV**.

* * *

It figures she almost gets herself killed moments after another confrontation.

She'd been walking towards her house but had chosen to take the long route in hopes of avoiding her mother - who should be heading out for her long night shift within the hour. Her mind was tired from the rush of thoughts and emotions and effort it's been through the past days (and months really). And since it was not yet dark enough for headlights to be needed, there was no visual cue.

So the truck seemed to come out of nowhere to her. It turned from one of the residential areas on the reservation and she'd been in the midst of crossing the road it was heading down.

It was like one moment she was trying to shake her mind out of the spiral of frustration it was lost in and in the next she's looking wide-eyed towards the front of a cherry red truck. She'd frozen up at the sight of it but the driver saw her with more than enough time to press down on the break and still have a few feet of space left in between them.

Logically, she knows that she hadn't really almost gotten run over but it felt like it, her heart pumping rapidly at the shock she'd just gotten. If the driver hadn't noticed her, though, she's sure she would've been hit.

And as she's having a mini-panic in her mind about how her shocked pause could have ended up with her crushed by a truck, the driver hops out and it manages to bring her attention to them instead. She notices then that she actually knows them, but they're not from the reservation.

"Bella?"

She calls out in question and gets a brief sense of déjà vu in the moments before she receives a reply. She knows their positions are reversed this time around, but it feels like they've gone through this exact moment already. A vehicle, a road and a near impact common factors in their meetings.

"Leah, I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying atten - "

The other girl stood before her with a hand rubbing at the back of her neck and her gaze falling to the ground every other second as she spoke. But she knew that it wasn't really her fault so she interrupted her before she could finish, saying, "Oh no, you're fine Bella, I had more than enough time to cross. It's my fault, really."

Bella's hand falls from her neck and she looks up at her with a small lift of her lips in acknowledgement of her words. Looking further out behind the girl at the direction Bella had been coming from, she makes a guess as to what she was doing here, already knowing she was right.

"So you're here to see Jake?"

Oddly enough, his name seems to make the other girl tense up. She watches as the hand that had dropped from her neck now makes it's way to her arm and squeezes while she nods her head in reply to the question. Her eyes lowered once more.

"Yeah, but I was just leaving."

She tries to catch Bella's eyes to see what was going through her head but she does a good job of keeping her gaze averted from her. She remembers how quiet and despondent the girl had been when she had almost ran her over the other day and she doesn't seem to be any better now.

"Oh, so were you here long then?"

Another question that would have been considered harmless for any other person seems to cause Bella to deflate even more, and she feels more concern bubbling. She wonders what's going on with the girl as she hasn't seen her look anything other than... down, for lack of a better word.

"Not long."

The reply is spoken so low she has to strain to catch the words, but she does and it only further concerns her. A moment of hesitation in which she questions whether she should speak passes but she decides to continue on and ask her anyway.

"Bella, are you okay?"

The reaction is instant. And she can tell from the way Bella's form straightened up immediately at her question that she's going to lie and brush away her query with a yes. But then something seems to come over her. Instead of spewing falsities about being just fine, Bella looks up directly into her eyes and seems to just let all her turmoil show as she softly replies.

"No, I'm not."

She steps up closer to the girl to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, asking, "Did something happen?"

"I- I don't think Jake is my friend anymore."

And with those words, her newfound care for this girl who she'd barely known as more than an acquaintance is cemented. She understands what it's like to lose a friend, especially one who seemed very close to the girl and she herself had lost as well. And the fact that Jacob is a part of that little gang only adds to her need to comfort her.

"Trust me, you'll be okay without him Bella, but why do you think that?"

There's a few moments of pause. She keeps her hand on her shoulder and tries not to speak up again in case there's a reason for why Bella's taking a while to respond. And it seems she'd been right not to do so.

"I got back together with my ex and Jake doesn't like that I did. They don't really care for each other."

"That's not a good enough reason to break off a friendship, though, Bella. Did something else happen? Were you with him while the Cullen boy was gone? Or is he just jealous of him?"

It's the only reasons she comes up with that could explain why someone would cut off a friend just like that, if they liked them and was jealous they weren't dating them instead or if they'd been broken up with for someone else. But Bella shakes her head adamantly in a no.

"Me and Jake are only friends. They just have a history and because of it they don't want me to hang out with the other."

"Ah, I see."

She's not sure that's much better, but she also doesn't know the history she's referring to. What she does know is that one's friend can't stop them from hanging out with someone else. She's pretty sure that's what Sam tells the guys that join him, excluding everyone not a part of the group, and it's annoying.

"Well, I know how you feel. All my friends have up and bailed on me, for my ex of all people," she tells Bella, frustration at the situation leaking into her voice.

Her words lead Bella to look up at her with furrowed brows and she's glad that the girl no longer looks so distressed with thoughts of Jacob and her boyfriend. Who would have thought she'd have something in common with Jake's friend, and that that something was Jake's lack of friendship. It's not a great thing to bond with someone over but it's their situation.

"What happened?"

Somehow, she didn't anticipate being asked about it. Since it all first occurred, she hasn't really talked to anyone about everything. She used to talk to Sam, or her cousin, or even her mother despite the fact she was her mom, but not since then. But she remembers how she just told herself to let go, and maybe telling someone can help her let a bit of all the anger and sadness out.

So she tells Bella that her ex boyfriend had left her for her cousin but hadn't told her he was doing so until she found them out. Tells her that the little bit of friends she'd had left since then had all joined up with him and stopped being her friend. That Jacob was one of those friends, and she only talks to him rarely when they run into each other.

She tells her in as little detail as she can manage while still letting Bella know she can relate to shitty experiences. And then she waits for a response to her words. Maybe some commiseration. Maybe the tale of the history that had been mentioned. Something like that.

But it doesn't come.

Bella has instead been looking down towards the ground with seeming contemplation since she'd gotten through with her recount of events. She's not sure what about her story has the girl looking so thoughtful but the continued silence is starting to bother her. Before she can break it, however, Bella finally speaks up in a rush of words.

And what she says surprises her into her own silence.

"Want to go out with me?"

* * *

 **.:.**

* * *

She realizes how it sounds as soon as the words leave her mouth but is unable to do anything except gape at Leah in shock.

It wasn't what she meant to say. At least, not the way it was worded.

She had been trying to just get home to pass out on her bed and cry until sleep claimed her. But then she'd noticed there was someone on the road and had to stop her truck before she hurt them, and so her plan was derailed. Seeing that it was Leah once again only caused her to blink twice in quick succession before rushing to ensure she was okay.

And then Leah had become concerned for her and she knew she must have looked like crap to draw attention from someone she barely knew. So she had to figure out how to explain without revealing that her boyfriend was a decades old vampire and Jacob was a weeks old werewolf, and the two were natural enemies.

And she'd managed to do so pretty easily.

(Due to practice from months of trying to act like a future with a vampire family hadn't been taken from her after a near death incident with another vampire, she's sure.)

But then Leah had opened up and revealed far more than she herself had. She had connected the dots and realized that they both had been crapped on by the supernatural, the other girl even worse since she didn't even know what had really happened.

Jacob had told her when she met Sam and Emily that they had imprinted and gotten together while Sam was in a relationship with her cousin, and she now knows that cousin had been Leah. And it's even more fucked up to her.

It's the reason she could never bring herself to be with Jake even though it had become obvious to her he liked her (and she'd been outright told by his friends that he did).

She doesn't want to be the one tossed aside when he finds his own imprint.

And now she knows the girl who had been put through that unknowingly. Had been told by the girl herself in a very diluted way. And Leah had lost more than just a boyfriend and a cousin, she'd lost friends to the supernatural.

All she could think after Leah had finished was that she knew the truth but couldn't tell her, and that makes her feel awful.

Until she realizes she could help her find out herself.

It didn't take much for her to figure out the truth, especially with the Quileute tales Jacob had told her. So she figures that with her giving even more hints, Leah could come to the conclusion that it was all real herself. And when she asks her, she'll confirm it and tell her the rest.

And all that leads her to the realization that she wants to befriend Leah because they could understand one another much better than anyone else as two people who weren't supernatural but had been marked by it.

So she had asked to hang out with her.

Except, it hadn't come out like that and she's now trying to backtrack and explain herself.

 **.**

"I didn't mean it like that!"

She shouts it out into the silence that had fallen once she can finally bring herself to speak up again.

"I just think we could both use a friend because we both were ditched by people who we hadn't ever thought would do so and so I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out, with me, but just as friends, new friends, not like.. that."

"Oh."

She's not sure why Leah's response sounds so, well, flat. But she hopes it's just her processing and she hadn't messed up the opportunity to gain a new friend. A friend that could actually know about the supernatural since she's protected as a Quileute.

There's another moment of pause before she decides to ask again.

"So do you want to? Hang out sometime that is."

"Oh uh yeah sure. Sorry, I just wasn't expecting all of.. that."

Leah smiles at her a bit sheepishly and she relaxes at her answer.

"Okay great, how about - "

The sound of a horn bursts through the air, shocking her into silence as she realizes they never moved from the middle of the road. And for the second time in a few days to boot.

"Oh crap, I have to move my truck."

"Yeah, I should be heading home but we can definitely hang out sometime, Bella. See you later."

Then Leah is off down the sidewalk before she can say anything further. And she's left to hastily get into her truck with apologies to the man who's stuck behind her in the very narrow one-way road. And her thoughts are jumbled but her emotions aren't anymore.

And in that moment, she's not so down.


	5. V

**Disclaimer** : I do not claim any ownership over the ideas of others incorporated into this fic. It all belongs to its rightful owners.

* * *

 **INTERLUDE**

* * *

He needs relief.

Even though he had fed just a couple of days ago, he needs to relieve the burning in his throat urgently. Needs to sink his teeth into whatever animal he can find and feel the blood running down his throat. Soothe the fire that licks at his veins.

He needs it.

So as soon as he arrives at the house, he leaves his car parked in the garage - the windows down to air out the scent of his Bella - and races off into the woods.

He comes upon a lone deer miles out from the house, drinking from a small stream. He moves up into a tree silently and crouches low as he awaits the perfect moment to act. Seconds pass. The deer lifts its head from the stream. He jumps off and onto it. A struggle ensues. He wins with arms pressed down around the animal and mouth latched onto its jugular.

He drains the blood rapidly, the liquid alleviating the burn and bringing with it a bright golden hue to previously darkened eyes.

Thoughts once more come to surface as he returns from the hunting state of mind, and he loses himself in them as he covers up evidence of his kill.

He'd been filled with turmoil as he'd driven to pick his Bella up since Alice had failed to see her when he asked her to, sure of where she would soon be. And her potent scent while he drove her to her house had only compounded his thirst as it warred with his emotions and control.

It had all been too much.

Everything has felt like too much ever since he first laid eyes on his Bella months ago.

He had never before encountered a singer whose blood called out to him so strongly, and finding one in the midst of a high school was not ideal. He'd managed to control himself long enough to leave as soon as the bell rung but he'd needed to leave for a week to recover. Once he had, he'd returned to her.

The others were concerned he'd lose control.

But he was concerned he'd lose her.

Because even as her blood sang out for him to drink, she called out for him to protect. She was unlike anyone he'd ever met before, and he was fascinated. Her mind was a blank to him, a vault he could not break into. He couldn't figure her out, she didn't react to him as other humans did, and it only further intrigued him. Everything about her drew him in.

He was hooked on her and could not bring himself to stay away.

Until he realized that he wasn't the only danger to her, that his presence brought more danger than he could protect her from.

So he left.

He left with the belief that it was the best thing for his Bella. She would move on and grow old with another. She would have kids and a career. She would experience the highs of humanity, and she would keep her soul. She would stay pure, untouched by the blight of his kind.

She would remain as he found her.

But she didn't.

Ever since his Bella had appeared to show him she was alive, things had not been the same. His Bella had changed. He'd been taking notice of all her changes ever since they had left Volterra and it concerned him.

It hurt him.

The awe and adoration in her eyes when she looked at him was no longer there. He can see how she views him differently, and it pains him that he caused it. She no longer seems to trust his judgement without thought. She no longer expresses her thoughts when he fails to figure it out. She no longer connects with him.

Not like before.

Before when she was the light in the darkness of his curse, and the temptation of her blood was drowned out by the temptation of her love.

The conversation he just had with her about the reservation is just another testament to how his Bella had changed in his absence. And it's not the only thing of concern to him; his Bella will not remain human. It's out of his hands now and she will be turned into an abomination. He failed to save her soul.

He had truly believed that leaving would be best for her, but now he's no longer certain of that.

And yet, even with the threat of the Volturi looming over their heads, he wants to take all of his coven and leave once again to prevent Bella from becoming like them. To prevent her from becoming inhuman and a slave to the thirst.

He needs to save her soul.

But can he.

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

The coven is all gathered in the living room when he makes his way back to the house.

He hadn't spoken to any of them about his concerns for Bella because he knows what they all think of their return. And not one of them will be sympathetic to his cries of injustice, especially since none of them know the true story behind their leave.

The leader of their coven is by nature and role focused on the well-being of the whole coven. He had managed to convince Carlisle to leave by urging him to adhere to his own morals. He doesn't change any who will live full lives. Every one of them he's changed have been on the brink of death. And since his Bella had her whole future ahead of her, Carlisle agreed to leave her to live it.

But now that they have chosen to return and Bella is marked for death, his morals have been set right. So he is glad to be back in Forks as it's one of his favorites places to live of the many they have resided in over the years. (And the only one they have returned to a second time.)

His mate is in agreement with him. Esme is happy that her family is coming together again. She had been heartbroken when he had told the family Bella wanted them to leave, but she understood that they had been putting her in danger out of their own selfishness to have her be a part of their lives. So she had agreed to leave, but now she's glad that things are once more as they should be, in her eyes.

The one with the least connection to the situation is Jasper, but he had felt awful about his reaction on Bella's birthday. And when he found out the girl wanted them to leave, the guilt had weighed heavily on his shoulders.

Now, though he still feels the guilt of it, he is relieved that Bella will become one of them and he won't have to worry about hurting her.

And Alice is also relieved that Bella will be turned but for a different reason. She had been extremely upset to have to leave behind her first real friend, or at least the first she remembers. But she had done so with sadness at the thought of Bella no longer wanting them around because of the danger they brought along.

And now she will have her first friend - her best friend - for eternity, and she's overjoyed.

And Emmett is also happy for another addition to the family he can play with. As he hadn't gotten to know her all that well, though, his thoughts are more focused on what fun the two could get up to in the future than anything else. It hadn't taken much to get him to vote in favor of leaving back then, especially since he'd just sided with his mate, but the stakes are different now.

The Volturi is aware of the human connected to their family and he won't agree to letting her remain a human.

Even Rosalie won't agree with it. She had been happy when they left for some of the same reasons he himself had wanted to leave. It would have given the girl a chance at a normal, human life. She'd been the one he could count on to immediately agree to his demand to leave Forks behind, but he knows he couldn't count on her this time around.

The only thing she holds above the ideal of the perfect human life is the safety of her family, the coven. And she knows Bella has to be changed to preserve that.

So none of them will agree to his plea to leave. And he doesn't even need to carry out asking because he'd seen all of their reactions in the vision Alice had projected as soon as he entered the living room.

"I'm sorry Edward but you know we can't do it again."

Her eyes are boring into his as she speaks the statement aloud to include the rest of the coven. And he nods in stilted reply to her, breaking the lock on their gazes to look around at the others. He knows that she had told them all her vision, and he can see that their thoughts all align with what she'd seen. There's no changing their minds.

He can't save his Bella's soul.

He races off again without a word.

 **.**

 **.**

The window is shut tight but not locked and he slips in easily.

His Bella lays on her bed asleep, entangled in her sheets, chest moving up and down with every breath. Her humanity is reflected in the image before him and it only furthers the ache he feels at his inability to save her from her fate.

He tries to look at her as she is now but thoughts of how she'll be plague him.

Once she's changed, she'll no longer have a heart that beats and fluctuates in rhythm. Her eyes will no longer fall shut as she falls into sleep. Her body will no longer give off heat. And blood will no longer pump through her veins.

She'll no longer be human.

She'll no longer have a soul.

And he's the one at fault.

But there's nothing he can do about it, and he resigns himself to having her become like him before taking up a seat in the rocking chair he always uses to observe the fleeting moment of humanity.

 **.**

 **.**

He never even considers the alternative to changing her.

He can't live without her.

She's his, with or without a soul.


End file.
